Friday I got scared. I am a temp on my job just getting to a place where I am not drowning. No joke. I felt so overwhelmed that Monday night I called the prayer line of one of my favorite ministries. I got this guy named Ben who listened and asked questions about the job. He prayed for my skills to improve and that I would have unreasonable favor. The last thing he said was don't get into fear it will kill your faith everytime. The next day I felt like a boulder had been lifted off my chest. I didn't dread going to work. I had joy in spite of the fact I had much more to do. I refused to worry and focused on giving it my best effort.
"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27.
I fought the tears back. My mind raced and I got up to see if my friend also a temp had gotten an email. No she reponded but another temp did and seemed upset. Fear gripped me and I went to the bathroom my friend following behind me. I was wiping away tears afraid I was getting fired. My friend handed me her cell phone and I braced myself and made the call.
Hi, this is Analisa.
Hi Analisa I just have some feedback.
There is a cold silence as I wait for the other shoe to drop. I broke the ice floating around my neck.
Is that all?
Yep that's all Analisa. Bye.
Back at my desk I am not totally relieved. I submit my list of overdue cases. I do my timesheet. I put my extra pair of shoes in my bag and wonder if it's wise to leave any personal items there. I get another email. It's official. According to your agency you aren't eligible for overtime, sorry. Have a great weekend. I clock out and go home.
I 've done my fair share of wondering what Monday may hold. Then I decide not to worry about it. Then I decide again not to worry about it. I remember the prayer Ben prayed. I remember that I serve the only living God who does the impossible. I remember these words.
For we walk by faith, not by sight-- 2Corinthians 5:7
I must keep my eyes on God. It may be a weird was of saying it put here goes. You know what it's like to watch a toddler. You try to keep them in view every second, but it's impossible. The moment you turn your head they fall down. You feel horrid. You comfort them kissing away the hurt. It is a common parenting experience. Only with God when you take your eyes off him you fall. God our father picks you up and kisses away the pain that happened when you looked away. I love him for that.
If God wants me to leave this job it won't be as a failure. God has not planned any defeats for me.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, said the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
Anyway He got me the gig in the first place, and he has the final say. Bless His holy name:).